Damn you, fate!

10Jun09

So I was taking my French exam. (Yes, already you can tell this is going to be a Mike Daniels story of epic proportions. Buckle up.) Part of it was oral — like you had to go out in the hallway and recite a story to the teacher in French. Normal foreign language class stuff, right? But let me tell you something about me and reciting French stories. I instantly go into freak out mode. I have the kind of horrible memory typically associated with Alzheimer’s, and I get all tongue-tied and I pause like five thousand times. Long, painful pauses that make you think I’m done when really I’m straining myself to remember the next part. Usually I sound like a highly intoxicated illiterate Parisian. Thank God my teacher is amazingly patient. And she takes us into the hall so we don’t have to go through the unendurable shame of screwing up in front of the whole class.

I’m halfway through the story, and it’s actually going pretty well. I stumbled like, twice, but my flow is awesome and I’m throwing out French phrases like I was born there. And then Mike Daniels comes back from the bathroom. Understand a few things here: Mike Daniels is constantly taking the bathroom pass, and judging by the direction from which he returns I doubt he’s ever taking a genuine trip to the toilette. Anyway, we were going in order by the seating chart to recite the story, and right after he went, I saw him grab the pass. And it was my turn. And already I was calculating how long it would take me to say the story so that he wouldn’t come back while I was in the middle of it. Assuming he took his usual time, I’d have to speak pretty damn fast.

And of course, he came back right before I reached the halfway point. The whole area was situated so the teacher was sitting in a chair in front of me, and I was sitting in a chair right in front of the door, to discourage people from exiting the classroom while someone was doing the exam. Unfortunately that also meant that Mike Daniels couldn’t get in. So he’s standing there, and I immediately dissolve into “drunk Parisian with a second grade education” mode.

It was a very long story.

Filed under: Embarrassment, Mike Daniels (obligatory swoon)   |  1 Comment
Tags: French, sticky situations